Sigh No More
by mcmachine
Summary: A phone call about her family leaves April wrecked and unsure how to go forward. Fortunately, Jackson is always there for her, one way or another.


Quiet sobs filled the echoes of a mostly empty hallway in the basement of Seattle Grace Mercy West. Sitting on top of one of the retired beds was April Kepner, her knees drawn up to her chest, thin arms wrapped around her legs and her head resting forward. The curled position did not particularly muffle any of the noise escaping from her.

All it had taken was one phone call to change her life. Loss was something that was a familiar concept for April given all that she had seen as a doctor yet it was never something that she had to experience on such an intimate basis. She had lost her best friend, slipped in the pool of her blood. But that was different. All of her parents were alive, even her grandparents were still staying strong in their older age – a favor, mostly, given that both they and her parents had children relatively young in life. But age hadn't been a contributing factor, not this time. Instead, it had been the youngest of the Kepner sisters who was first kissed sorrowfully by death.

A car accident. It was so simple, it happened all the time. She knew the statistics about them happening every few seconds across the country, and it was only the worst of the worst that came into the hospital. She saw them on a daily basis.

Her father had been the one to call her. She didn't know it, but halfway across the country, her mother was sobbing too hard to be able to make the call to her daughters herself. Joe Kepner was instead the parent who was forced to stay strong and inform his other remaining daughters that one of the worst things that could happen to their family, indeed had.

All of the information that had been provided to April from her father, however, did not offer as much clarity as she could have hoped. No one else in her family seemed to understand the details of the medical side of things. Joe had tried to do his best to explain it to his daughter and all of the questions that she had, well, most of them had been a bit too detailed for him to fully understand everything that she was asking. He had done his best to explain everything that he could and to try to offer his second oldest daughter the answers that she sought, but it didn't matter, not really. No matter what he managed to say, the training trauma surgeon had come to the same conclusion over and over again.

She could have saved her.

If she hadn't been so obsessed with getting as far away from home as possible, for establishing herself outside of Moline and the Kepner family, then she would have been there. She would have been able to make a difference and save her sister's life. She wouldn't be going through this, and neither would her family. It would have been different.

Her forehead pressed harshly into the tops of her knees, hands pressed forcefully down against the thin mattress. Fingers were pressed together and strained from the pressure exerted, doing her very best to try and keep them from trembling against her legs.

"April?"

The sound of her name being spoken by someone else caused her to flinch and look upward, an anguished and now mildly panicked expression on her face from having been caught by someone else while in such an indisposed position. Even if it was Jackson, perhaps one of the few people that she knew with certainty wouldn't humiliate her for such a display of information, it did not lessen any of the discomforts.

"W–what? Did I miss a page?" April sniffled, dragging the back of her hand across her cheeks to try and rid some of the salty tears that had streamed down her freckled cheeks.

"No, nothing like that," Jackson shook his head. "What's wrong?"

The redhead didn't answer immediately and she dropped her head back down to where it was before. This time she didn't wrap around herself quite as tightly as before, some of the tension finally disappearing and instead replaced with pure exhaustion. Grief was too tiresome to deal with alone.

Jackson took a few steps down the hallway to close the remainder of the distance between them, a deep furrow appearing toward his brow and a frown starting across his features. Even if April was easily the most emotional one in the group, he hadn't seen her like this in a long time. Not since they had turned down that hallway where Reed had died and she had broken down. Then, he had thought that she was nothing more than some weird girl, inappropriately emotional. Now he knew her much better than that. He liked her much more than he had then, too.

"April, what's going on?" He repeated his question, sitting down next to her on the empty bed to get closer to her. Seeing her like this in the midst of something that wasn't a tragedy was unsettling.

April mumbled something that was completely indistinguishable, drowning into the fabric of her light blue scrub pants. Even that close to her, he couldn't understand what she was saying.

"I don't know what you're saying," he muttered, placing his hand on her back and rubbing circles.

"My sister died," April repeated as she lifted her head up, attempting to blink back tears.

"Oh my god." Jackson blinked suddenly at the announcement to explain her despondent exterior, at a shock for words himself. Personal loss wasn't something that had greatly affected him either, in a surprisingly similar boat to April. His father had left when they were young – but there was anger, resentment there, not grief for a loss. He had lost Percy in the shooting too. It was a part of what had brought the two of them closer together, and given him the ability to see the good light inside of her. Then, she had been the only one to understand him.

Without saying another word for the moment, April leaned into Jackson with a sob falling from her lips, shaking her chest. His arm wrapped around her and brought her in closer to him, hugging her against him. He didn't know what to do or say to make her feel better, but when she had cried over Reed, this had seemed to do something for her. Till the moment had been ruined, at least. He could avoid that this time.

"I don't know what to do," she sobbed, just loud enough to be heard despite the mumbling.

"I'm sorry, April. I'm so sorry. I can't imagine what you're going through." Jackson rubbed his hand up and down the length of his arm. He really couldn't imagine it, growing up without siblings. He hadn't thought she was close to him, but it didn't seem like that mattered.

"I feel like I could have saved her." Her head shook against his chest slightly as he spoke, just the slim amount of movement that was allowed with how tightly he was holding onto her at the very moment. "If I had been there, it could have been different. She died in the hospital. She was in a car accident and the people there weren't equipped to handle it and… it could have been different if I was there."

"But you weren't," Jackson stated. April pulled away from him sharply, brows furrowed and taking offense at his words. "I don't mean to be rude, April, but hear me out. You weren't there. There's not a thing that you could have done. So blaming yourself or feeling guilty about it won't help anyone. It will just hurt you more."

She fell quiet after his words, bottom lip drawing between her teeth and chewing at the thin flesh there for a moment as her gaze remained on him. He was trying to help, even if the somberness doesn't leave her expression.

Instead of offering a response immediately, April just leaned back into him once again. This time, Jackson wrapped both of his arms around the redhead as he held her tight.

Losing someone close to you for the first time is overwhelming. Denial is the first stage that will hit you when someone you love died. It opened the door to what is to come. Life made no sense. A state of shock and denial came over you until you went numb. Even if she knew death so well, saw violence and accidents in front of her every day, she felt just as the same as anyone else who had to go through all of the bouts of emotions that came with grief and loss. It was overwhelming, no matter how many times she had seen it displayed on other people. But denial must be met head-on because it started the grieving and healing process. She had told people that and yet at that moment, she couldn't even begin to fathom the possibility.

"You're going to be okay, April. You're strong. One of the strongest people that I know, even if you don't always get credit for it." The words that Jackson expressed were honest, though a frown still hindered his expression. At the moment, she couldn't see it. But there was a deep-rooted worry there, worry that extended beyond what most friendships asked of a person.

"I'm going to have to go back to Moline," April muttered, sniffling loudly to try and control some of the tears and snot. "For the funeral. It's this weekend. I.. I have to buy plane tickets and I-I don't even know if Owen will let me take time off. I mean, I feel like I'm still miles behind everyone else." She rambled.

"April, Owen will let you take time off. You're not behind everyone else, and he's not a dick." Jackson reassured her firmly, giving her shoulder a squeeze and pulling back slightly to look at her. "And I'll go with you if you want. I can get the plane tickets for both of us." He offered.

Hazel eyes blinked furiously at the words, caught off guard by his suggestion. Sure, they were friends. But that wasn't the kind of offer that she would have expected from him or anyone else, for the matter. She was used to having to deal with things on her own, given that was how things seemed to usually be for her around her. Even if she was just beginning to fit in with the rest of them, something that had only been initiated by the shooting and bonding with Meredith in an unexpected way, this was not something she had thought any of them would be helpful for.

"You don't have to do that, Jackson." She wet her lips with another sniffle, blinking a few times.

"I know that I don't have to," he started. "But I would like to, April. You're going through a lot. Losing a family member is something that… I can't even imagine, to be honest. And from what I've heard about your family, it sounds like you could use the help." He gave a slight smile, hoping that it might begin to lighten her words just a bit.

"Jackson!" April slapped his arm. "That's not appropriate." Even if she was often at her wit's end when it came to her family, now did not seem like a good time to even think about that.

"Oh, it's alright." He said. "You know that it's true. At least there's no way they're as bad as mine."

The redhead stared at him for a moment before allowing a little bit of laughter to pass through her lips, shaking her head and drying away another tear, using the movement of her hand to tuck hair behind her ear. It was the first time that she had managed a smile since she had received that phone call.

"Yeah, I think that's impossible," April agreed with just a little bit more of laughter escaping.

"So really, me going with you would just be a break compared to having to deal with my own family. No reason for you to tell me no." Jackson's tone remained light-hearted even if he was serious with everything that he said, a smile appeared.

"You make it hard to say no when you put it that way." This time when she leaned into him, it wasn't with quite the same grief as before. It was something a little more friendly, just a little lighter.

"That was kind of the goal," he admitted with a small chuckle. His arm slung around her shoulders again.

"Do you really want to go with me?" April asked. "Or are you just being polite?"

"I do." The answer that Jackson had to give her was quick and firm. "I really do. You deserve to have someone by your side for this, April. You shouldn't have to go alone. And I like you. I like you a lot, actually, so I want to be there for you."

Even though the feelings were ones that he had felt with surprising clarity for quite a few weeks now, Jackson had not anticipated them exiting from his lips quite so freely and without any forethought. He knew her well, and he knew that she was the type of person who liked to plan and plan again whenever she did something big. He had a tendency of being slightly more impulsive. But this was something different, something that he wasn't quite sure how to explain to himself or anyone else.

There was a brief silence between the two of them after the words had been announced. April wasn't entirely sure that she had heard him correctly, that he had really said those words. Only once she had convinced herself that she had heard him correctly, she was rather sure that he meant it in the way that any friend would have said to one another. There was no reason for it to mean anything more between the two of them.

Or was there?

"I like you too," April finally broke the silence between them and gave him a small smile. She didn't want to overwhelm him or be inappropriate. That was what had happened the last time that he had held and comforted her like this, and she didn't want to repeat that incident.

"Uh, no," Jackson barely chuckled. "When I say that I like you, April, I mean that I really like you. As in, more than a friend kind of like you." The words reminded him of middle school, having a crush on some girl who wasn't interested in him.

"You… you really do?" She questioned, blinking and wetting her lips.

"I do." He confirmed with a nod of his head. "I have for awhile, actually."

"Oh." The syllable escaping from her was practically nothing more than a thin, wispy breath as she stared at him. Suddenly the lack of space between them was incredibly intimate, much more than just one friend offering another comfort in a time of need. It felt like something real and steady. It felt like the embrace of a couple. She hadn't had something like that in years, but she was suddenly sure that this was exactly what it felt like. He was so close, all beautiful seafoam eyes, the perfect picture of blue and green.

A smile cracked across his handsome features, lifting one shoulder and letting it fall in a shrug. He had thought there would be some surprise and some denial with it. Maybe this wasn't the best time to tell her about it – had he thought about it ahead of time, he certainly would have talked himself out of telling her now.

"Yeah." The grin stayed in place.

"Well, uh," she wet her lips, glancing up for a moment and taking a deep breath to try and gather herself. "I'm not going to take back what I said. About liking you too."

It had felt like middle school for her, too, but in a different scenario. She was the geeky, nerdy girl who didn't have a chance with the hottest guy in the class. It was such a cliched and overwritten scenario in the movies, but she always figured that was the only place that it ever actually worked out. In fiction. She never seemed to hear stories about it happening in real life. Except it seemed like right now, it might have been coming together just like that.

"Is that so?" Jackson questioned, his eyebrows raising as he looked at her.

"Yeah." A chagrined smile was offered. "And I'd really like it if you went with me back to Moline, Jackson. It would mean a lot and… it would just be a lot easier to go back there with you."

Even if grief wasn't easy and the company of a handsome man wasn't going to be enough to fix the piece of her heart that had been broken off by the death of her youngest sister, there would be something easier about dealing with it in the company of someone who really did like her. Someone who liked her as much more than a friend. It wasn't a fix, but it was just a little bandaid or even a steroid shot. It would help to kickstart her back in the right direction.

"Then I'll be there, April. For whatever you want and need." Jackson confirmed. This time as he wrapped his arm around her shoulders, he turned his head toward her and placed a kiss on the top of her head.

"Thank you." April murmured sincerely, a smile softening her expression.

"It's my pleasure. Whatever you need."


End file.
